A couple of months ago, I went to visit a nutritionist. She told me I was a "Professional Loser." That might sound offensive, but I got a kick out of it. I know how to lose weight, but my struggle is learning to keep it off. I get so strict with myself that I live a life nobody could ever live forever.
So, the picture above was a snack I had with my boys today. It was actually difficult for me to order a donut because I have been SO strict with my eating lately. I'm down to 203 and I am SO EXCITED to be back under 200 again. It's coming soon, but it needs to come healthy. So, all things in moderation. I need to get my brain to understand that a donut is not the end of me. You might chuckle at that, but it's always been "All or nothing" to me. If I have a donut, I'd have 5... if I'm eating healthy, I eat EXACTLY 1200 calories. Too strict equals a sure meltdown which equals discouragement and self condemnation. I MUST grow above that.
I have to add, one more thing I am very thankful for in my journey to health is my husband. This man just loves me. I know that he wants me to be healthy and he wants to enjoy great times together... but, he has never once... NOT ONCE talked down to me because of my weight or said anything that hurt my feelings. Even when I was 265, he treated me the same as when I was 170. That's amazing to me and I love him to death for being my supporter... now, his "Must have sweets at night on the couch"... not so much! LOL (He will wait and eat it after I've gone to bed if I need him to... so, he's still loved!)
In this journey, my boys are seeing my struggle and I am open with them about it. We have talked about how having extra fat on our bodies can have bad affects on our health and energy and all sorts of things. Joe LOVES that I'm walking. He didn't even realize I was walking so much after I dropped him off at school. The other day, when I picked him up in the car, I drove the route that Matthew and I walk after we drop him off. He said, "Wow Mama, you must be getting really un-fat!" HA HA HA... such a proud little statement from him and it made me smile.
I am who I am. Another thing the nutritionist asked me was, "What is your goal weight?" I have always said 155. BUT, I've come to realize it is more like 175. If I were 155, it might be my ultimate perfection weight, but it is not sustainable by ME... when I realize who I am. I will not work out every day of my life and I will not eat perfect every day of my life, so I will stay at a comfortable 175 (when I get there!). It's freeing to realize I can be, not what "perfection" is.
I just wanted to share these things because I know there are others who struggle. I understand. I truly and deeply understand the struggle, the tears, the joys, the PAIN and I'm rooting for you! It's freeing to be honest and there is therefore NO condemnation in Christ Jesus... Don't allow the devil to beat you up over a donut (or 5, or 10)... Do your best where you are and don't be afraid when you fail because we have the rest of our lives to pick ourselves up and start again! ;)
With much love...
The Professional Loser