The faces behind the stories!

The faces behind the stories!
My little Loves.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Moments with Matthew...

* So, Joe says, "I miss Dada." Matthew stands there and says, "I miss God."... I smiled and said, "You can't miss God, He's in your heart all the time!"... He said, "I want to go in my heart then!" lol

* I was doing homework with Joe tonight, part of which was doing the alphabet together. Matthew is getting really good at all the sounds and letters too. When we were done with the alphabet, I asked, "How many letters are in the alphabet." Joe looked at me like I was insane for thinking he would know the answer. Matthew sat there quietly and said, "26 letters." I thought for sure I heard him wrong, so I asked him what he said... "26 Letters." I started to laugh... "Where did you learn that buddy?"... "The frog movie taught me." The Frog Movie = LeapFrog... We have "Letter Factory" "Talking Words Factory" and "Word Capor" (sp? lol)... So, I guess they are worth their investment with my 3yr old being able to tell me the letters/sounds and how many letters there are in the alphabet! lol

*  Matthew just walked up to me and said, "Mama, you're delicious." =)

* Earlier today, Aaron called and I just wanted a few uninterupted minutes to talk wtih him... So, I went in my room and locked the doors. Matthew stood outside my room screaming for me to let him in. He was VERY upset that I put a barrier between he and I. When I opened the door to tell him he was in trouble for his behavior, he looked at me with water filled eyes and a quivering lip and said, "I love you and you're a princess." Ugh, that boy!

* He ALWAYS wants his turtle costume on... ALWAYS. He's been bringing it to me periodically today to ask if he can have it on. I've turned him down. =) Just now, he brought it to me and said, "Mama, could you put my turtle on?" I said, "Sure Bud, but did you say please?"  He said, "Yes" then a pause... then, "I did when I asked you LAST TIME!" lol

They are both so much fun. Matthew tends to be the more quiet one, so his humor and mental adventures get left behind sometimes for Joe's overwhelming personality, humor and mental adventures! (I love that term, "Mental Adventures"... Joe especially will have a complete adventure all to himself in his head! lol)

"I have something EXCITING to show you Mama!"

Joe just came RUNNING into my office and said, "I have something EXCITING to show you Mama!"... He dropped to the ground and said, "Look, I can hold my cup with my feet and drink!" I said, "Stay right there, I need a picture of this one!" ha ha ha

Look Mama, i am the letter T!!!

Matthew was watching a Blue's Clues movie about the alphabet... He stood like that and told me, "Look Mama, I'm the letter T!"

Not Kind = No Jesus.... To Joe Atleast.

As I picked Joe up from school today, he pointed out another boy in his class (who will remain nameless incase I ever develope a friendship with his parents and they see this blog! LOL)  He said, "Mama, that boy does not have Jesus in his heart because he is not kind, so I decided to be his friend and teach him how to love."

I proceeded to tell him that sometimes people do have Jesus in their hearts, but just need a little reminder of what our character should be like. I gave him an example of when HE did not display "Jesus-like" character, and he understood. So, a mini-lesson in not judging others.

I love that his intentions were to love the boy and help the boy to be more happy with love in his heart.... well, that and I think he's tired of him "being rude" to him.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Matthew: "My Bottom is Dancing!"

Tonight the boys and I were watching a movie. A scene came on with some music and I started to notice the couch next to me was moving a little bit. I look over at Matthew and he smiles. He said, "My bottom is dancing." HA HA HA... That just cracked me up!

Their Dada was supposed to get home today from a 12 day work trip... He called to let us know a last minute change came up and he had to be gone 2 more days. I was heart broken. I literally had to fight the "blah" feeling all night and I just couldn't get over being so disappointed. I have to say, my boys did NOT make it very easy to stay in a "blah" mood!

Later, when it was time for bed... I was in Matthew's room with the door closed helping him get ready for bed. I had told Joe that he would be in trouble if he opened the door. So, as I'm grabbing the jammy bottoms for Matthew, I hear, "Goodnight Matthew" coming from the crack under the door! ha ha ha... He didn't "Open" the door... So, Matthew runs to his door and gets down on all 4's to say goodnight back. THEN, as I was getting Matthew's pants on him, Joe ran back to the door and sat down at the crack so he could give Matthew a little toot... I'm telling you, I lost it in laughter! Matthew's giggle was so stinkin cute
AND THEN... Matthew tooted while laughing and we REALLY lost it.

I'm thankful for my little loves helping me to remember to smile when life kinda knocks me off my happy horse. =) G'night all.

"Here Mama, You Can Have 5!"

My boys each got a bag full of goodies when we left a birthday party over the weekend. Each time they finish their lunch or dinner, I am letting them pick a treat. Yesterday was the first day. I told Joe, "Joe, would you like to pick one for yourself, or would you like to pick one for you and one for Mama?"... He said, "I'd like to pick one for you and one for me!" (HEART SMILE!)... I said, "Ok then, go ahead and pick two for yourself."... I shared with him the lesson of a giving heart. He still gave me one and actually ended up giving me two because he wanted me to try how good it was. I loved that.

So, today.... He finished his lunch and told me he was ready to pick from his bag. I did not say a word and dumped out his goodies to pick from. He picked out 5 things and put them infront of me! HA HA HA... I said, "Were you hoping you'd get more like that too?"... He confessed to his motives! ha ha ha...

I thought that was pretty cute! (He still only got 2 picks though)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Joe: "My Finger is turning Yellow!"

Joe has developed a new skill... Peeling oranges. =) Well, those little tangelos actually. I have warned him that he will end up having to run to the toilet if he continues to eat more, but he said it's worth it and he'd like to keep eating them! I've decided to let him "live and learn" on this one, since he always thinks he knows everything!

As he got done peeling the 4th one, he came running into me, "MY FINGER IS TURNING YELLOW!" ... I explained to him that it happens when we peel oranges. He says, "I thought lemons were yellow, not oranges!" lol

He continued to go in the other room to peel another orange. When he came back to me, he said, "Oooo, this time, I did it with my teeth to see if they will turn yellow!"... He proceeded to go into the bathroom to check... Walked back in here pouting, "Awwww, they are NOT yellow."

Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Funny Things They Say!

That link took me so much longer to create then I had imagined! I started earlier today as they were napping, and I thought it might be a fun hour long adventure while they rest. Well, now they are in bed and it's almost midnight! lol I am having SO MUCH FUN with my voice recorder. Not only do I capture the funny things they say, but I make quick reminders to myself of other things I need to remember they said! I hope you enjoy it... Goodnight all!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Joe, "So, if I hug myself, I hug God?"

I'm hoping I remember this correctly!

We were just driving home from Bible Study and Joe starts in on a question that falls in line with a common theme: "Mama, could God stack blocks just high enough where he adds one more and it's JUST taller than he is?"... I said, "Buddy, I am curious why you are wanting something to be bigger than God? Aren't you happy that He's biggest so he's in control of everything?"... He said, "So, he's all over our town?"... I said, "He is everywhere." He said, "So, he's infront of our car right now?" I said, "He's infront, and behind, and on both sides and already at home waiting in our house for us...that's why it's always a safe place!"... He said, "So, if God is everywhere, and I hug myself, am I hugging God?"

I thought that was a pretty sweet thought... I smiled and said, "Yep, every time!" =)

Goodnight all!

He shouldn't STINK yet! ? !

I cleaned my house today. I even used Pine-Sol, one of my favorite smelling cleaners. I conquered the "Playroom" which had conquered me days previous. It's so overwhelming.  A small pumpkin that had dried up from last year and was being used as a maraca of sorts... had busted. There was pumpkin dust, seeds, and hard pumpkin shell all intermingled with toys and rug. Ugh!  It taunted me for a few days...

Today... IT IS CLEAN! (I should take a picture! lol)

BUT, as my kitchen is clean, the dishes are put away, the dining room is vacuumed with a pine-sol'd table... clean... I smell something. WHAT IS IT???... Oh man, it STINKS!

I'm looking around to see my 3yr old wiggling his freshly free'd toes. He had been wearing his sandals and apparently they don't get along with his feet.  HE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO STINK YET!!! I should have till about 12yrs old before he starts these body odors!  I mean really, come on! ha ha ha

So, I sprayed his shoes with Pine-Sol and washed his feet... all is well in the house again! HA HA HA

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Joe's Loose Tooth!

I just need to make record of THE DAY.... The first day my son came to me to show me his tooth was wiggling! He mentioned at dinner tonight that it hurt to bite with his front teeth. I meant to have a look. All of the sudden, at 9:45pm, he comes running downstairs SO EXCITED (after being put in bed at 8pm)... To show, me: "Mama, THIS is why it hurt!"... as he wiggled his lower left front tooth.

Really thinking about how I feel about it... I'm kind of sad. I'm looking forward to all the adventures we have to come as a big boy and his Mama and a man and his Mom... but that is the last "Baby thing" I have left of Joe... and I'm kind of sad to start seeing them go.

wow... my eyes are full of tears and now I feel dumb! lol... Goodnight all.

"Can I say it in my Brain?"

We were watching a show about Sharks tonight and Joe was FACINATED... They said, "Species" and he started repeating the word over and over. I was DONE hearing that word and said, "Joe, could you please stop saying that?"... He paused quietly for a minute and then said, "Mama, can I say it over and over in my brain?" Ha ha ha I love those moments when I am so obviously reminded that he's still tiny. He had no idea, or didn't have the ability to realize that I wouldn't know if he said it over and over in his brain. Even if he did know that I wouldn't... He was still innocent enough to verbalize it.  I love that. =)

Oh Matthew... The marker wasn't meant for the walls, or the toys, or the tv!

Poor little garbage truck didn't know how dirty he'd get today.
Sorry little garbage truck, I didn't know either or I would have rescued you!

Oh pretty white walls, I would have stopped it.
Shiney white tile and pretty brown tv stand.
Handsome little legs.
Expensive TV Screen.
Nice new white socks.

If I would have only known, I could have stopped the beast who went and found the markers on the table where Joe and I had done homework. I would have been able to say, "No, don't play with those, they are only for homework," and I could have rescued you!

Ok... all joking aside now... HE DID IT.. yep, you can see the proof. I told him, "You sit right there, I need to get my camera so I can show Dada what you've done!"  He sat still and scared as he KNEW what he had done was discipline worthy! (How many times have I felt that way?)... I went and got him a papertowel and sprinkled some cleaner on it. I handed it to him and said, "If you're big enough to make a mess, you're big enough to clean it up!" He scrubbed. It was VERY hard to not swoop in and help, because after all I could do a quick and easy job of it and his little hands had to work hard to fix what he had done. (Another "oh dear Lord, is this how you feel?" moment).

He was done cleaning the walls, the tile, the tv, the ground... and I couldn't stand it anymore... I said, "Ok, now go to your room and I will be there in a minute."

I cleaned the rest. I was thankful it was a "washable" marker, but even then it didn't want to come off the wood. I had some special cleaner that got it off of all stained wood, but the raw wood on one toy will forever bear the mark of Matthew's mistake.

I went upstairs and sat on the stairs outside of his room. I said, "Matthew, come to your Mama." As he walked out of his door, he was scanning the view for "The Spoon." He looked at my hands, my lap, next to me and then he got on his tiny tippy toes and saw it still sitting in "it's place" on the counter. 

Next to me only sat a box of wipes. I said, "Matthew, what do you need to say to your Mama?"... He said, "I'm sorry for coloring on your walls." and I said... AND?... "your toys"....AND... "your ground"... I said AND MY SON!... He had a bashful face and said, "I promise I'll never do it again."

Even if he did it again, he truly meant what he said in that moment... and I forgive him. Hmmm... God and I were having a lesson together, while I was having a lesson with Matthew.

So, I brought Matthew to me, hugged him, pulled out a wipe and started cleaning his arms, legs and feet.  What was interesting to me in the scope of my lesson with the Lord... I had completely forgiven Matthew, but the marker left a faint mark on Matthew's body that will take a little bit of time to go away before he can forget what he's done.... So true in my life with my mistakes too. I wish I could let go as easily as God does.

So, the house is clean, the toys (apart from that one raw wood one) are clean, the tv survived, the rug is clean, his socks even got clean... nobody would even know the event ever occured. BUT, oddly enough, I'm glad it did... and I'm glad both my boy and I learned a great lesson today!

Good Morning Pastor Joel!!!

There is a man in our church who quickly became one of Joe's favorite people. You see, Pastor Joel always remembered his name and greeted him with a very animated "GOOD MORNING JOE JACKSON!" They'd yell to each other from across the children's area and Joe would just dart off running on mornings when he spotted Pastor Joel before I did!  Pastor Joel was the children's pastor at Crossroads and we got to see him every Sunday morning... The boys woke up and got dressed nicely because they knew we had to show up early to have time to say hi to Pastor Joel.

Well... Pastor Joel's role is changing and he'll be a teacher at the school now. He wont be there early checking on everything for the children's ministry on Sunday mornings. My heart was happy for him, but sad for us because I know how much my boys will miss running in to Pastor Joel!

So, this morning, I stole a picture of of Joel's facebook and put it as Joe's desktop background. Before he left for school, I told him, "There is someone who wanted to say hi to you, turn on your computer."  He turned it on and this was his face as he saw who wanted to say hi! =)  I shared with Joe how Pastor Joel's role is changing, but that I was sure we'd run into him sometimes and it'll just make it even more special when we do!

He smiled. I love that boy!

Monday, August 23, 2010


Matthew just walked up with his turtle costume and said, with the sweetest voice, "Mama, could you please put my turtle on me?"... I said, "Not right now Matthew."  He gets the meanest face on and says with an attitude, "I ASKED NICELY THOUGH!" I couldn't help but laugh.
He knew the "Attitude Face" at a very young age, but luckily he's kept it hidden from this point until about NOW! lol

Raising boys amidst a sad reality...


Well, I guess I feel a bit of frustration and disappointment with the world my boys have to grow up in. Yesterday, as we were leaving church, we encountered somebody with behavior that pushed me to have to explain a sad truth to Joe. This man stretched his head out of his window and yelled at the top of his lungs, "TURN YOUR BRIGHTS OFF YOU IDIOT." and then proceeded to flip the car off behind him (when in reality, his car was low and their car was high so I am not even convinced the brights were on)... I was mortified by the behavior Joe sat there and watched and heard. The saddest part was, when he drove away, there was a shinny little silver fish on the back of his car.  My heart broke on so many levels.

Today, after I picked Joe up from kindergarten, we went to Costco. We're sitting in the foodcourt, enjoying our lunch when I hear VERY angry yelling at the top of the lungs obscenities coming from a man sitting just behind me and to my right. I was instantly overcome by "OH MY GOODNESS WE ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS A FIGHT." and I hovered like a mama chicken around my boys... The man was using the F word and racist names and others... I'm mortified that my boys are sitting there in that moment. I look back and the man is starting to walk away from where we are, still yelling those words. In this case, the man was not a bad man, he just had autism and turrets syndrome. His poor mom apologized really quickly and ran after him.  I'm not sure which of us were more mortified as mothers, my heart broke for her sweet face and the embarrassment she felt... and for the man.

I sat there. I'd love to see a picture of what my face looked like at that moment. Joe says, "Mama was does......... mean?"  *sigh*.... Luckily, he repeated the "bad words" incorrectly, so atleast I know he's not going to be saying them... but I had to sit and explain to him that the man was sick and those are bad words. He wanted to know what they meant and more explanation. I was stern in telling him it was not for young boys to learn and it was nothing that he will ever need in our household. =) (btw, Matthew was just kind of standing there, in a daze.)

I just felt a bit overwhelmed today by all that we will have to battle as we raise our boys. This world is truly a sad reality and if I ever do anything right in this life, I want to raise these two boys to be WORLD SHAKERS... I want them to learn from a very young age that they are to be different. I pray that the Lord reaches into their lives and has experiences with them that they WILL NOT be able to shake from their hearts or their memory. 

I feel for Mary today. I'm not sure at what point Jesus being a baby and needing her guidance and direction stopped and the God part of him kicked in for the cause of his life... But, I can't imagine being her as he was 3 and 5 and knowing the pain he'd have to endure to change the world. I can't imagine being Mary and watching Jesus as he admired Joseph and wanted to be like him. I can't imagine her heart as she wanted to protect him and keep him from all harm, but knew at her core he was born for a cause.

My sons may not be Christ in the flesh, but their flesh will be filled with Christ... and I have to be willing to see their pain from this sinful life in order to see them rescue souls to Heaven. 

Excuse me while I go hold them and enjoy the little things with my little loves...

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Can I say these words?

I'm back from Mom2Mom leadership retreat. There is a TON I could say about it, but I'm seriously thankful for making bonds with beautiful women and being reminded of just how the Lord sees me. I have always been VERY Hard on myself and these women really poured out love on me and I'm thankful!

Today we had a special time doing a "Crosswalk"... There were different stations where we'd read something about how the Lord sees us, or about our character... how the cross relfects or should reflect in our lives. I got to a station that had this:

I sat in tears... That's hard to pray/say. It's not all true. If I am honest, I would have had to say "Nicole is not always patient" and "Nicole is not always not provoked." Now, those were my two hardest to read with out crying. Mostly because of my "Little loves." I want to be a good mom SO BADLY and I feel like I struggle so much more than I EVER thought I would!

THe truth of the matter is... The Lord loves me. HE LOVES ME. There is no "He loves me not" with God. No matter how strongly I can say those things or how the tears roll because I know I've failed... HE LOVES ME!!! I am worth it to Him.

So, I came to realize... I can fill myself up with cement (aka: self doubt, self condemnation, etc) that will weigh me down from ever growing in those things... Or, I can tell the devil to take a hike, he has no place here any longer and I am standing in awe of the amazing cross that said, "I DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT!"


I'm thankful that the Lord sees my heart. It is my desire to read those words with my name and have them ALL be true with out doubt. In reality... only Christ could say those in truth 100% of the time. I have to remember I'm not the only one who falls short.

My prayer is that my every day life impacts a life every day.
God Bless.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Little Black Heart

So tonight I took the boys to my Bible study. They got to play with the kids and the amazing childcare staff of Crossroads Christian Church.  When I came to pick them up, the room was bursting with colors from what seemed like hundreds of small beach balls. In reality, it was probably about 15, but their little hands can hit them all so fast it was almost overwhelming! ha ha ha

So, Matthew's ball just has his name on it. Joe's ball has "God Words."... Atleast, that's what he called them. One of the slots had a little black heart on it, next to the word "sin." Joe explained that square as, "When I do something bad, it goes to that square and my ball gets taken away."

He went on to say, "But Matthew's ball doesn't have any little black heart, he's lucky.  So, when I lose mine, we'll just have to share his."

Yes, he did say "When" he loses it... so, he is aware of his sin nature! lol... But, he's always oh so willing to "share" Matthew's!

I thought that was cute....

I am incredibly blessed to be leaving tomorrow on a retreat for Mom2Mom leadership. I'm embarking on a new journey of being a table leader for this next semester. So, I wont be having any moments with my munchkins... but my in-laws will! ;) I thank God they are able to love them this weekend so my Heavenly Father can love me and breath some fresh energy and joy into my tired self! =)

Splash Mountain makes a BIG SPLASH!!!

(I wish the picture were clearer, it was SO CUTE!)
Ok... So, our Disneyland season passes expire on 10/15... Last year, they were Aaron and I's Anniversary presents to each other.  This year, not only have the prices gone up at Disney, but we've cut a lot of costs so I can be a stay at home mom. So, Goodbye Disney, Hello mom... Good trade.  It'll be sad the first time Joe says, "Can we go" and I know we can't... but, I'll come up with something fun.

Anyway... back to Splash Mountain! Aaron and I were trying to take the boys on things that they hadn't gone on before and were JUST tall enough for. To go on Splash Mountain, you have to be 40 inches. Matthew is actually probably more like 39.5, but we fluffed his oh so fluffable hair and showed him how to stand REAL tall... AND HE MADE IT!

The line said, "70 minutes wait"... gulp... but our passes, and Aaron's out of town so much... we HAD TO endure it for the experience! Mom gives the oh so mom of a speech, "Ok now boys, this is going to be a LONG line, but it's SUCH a great ride!" 

At that moment, a nice teenage guy named Patrick walked up. He said, "Hey, my aunt and I have this pass to get 6 people to the front of the line, we were wondering if you guys wanted to come?"..... YES!!!!!!... no hesitation from us! lol He was the nicest guy and said he was looking around for people who he thought it would make a difference for. He was visiting from Rhode Island!... WOW, such a blessing. We had only been in line about 2 minutes when he came.


Joe was pretty nervous because he couldn't help but notice the big drop he saw while in line. BUT, he did really well. Matthew was in the front of the boat and he was not scared. He held on to the handrails and said, "You don't need to hold me mama, except for the big drop." lol Smart boy. Joe, on the other hand, said, "HOLD ME TIGHT DADA!" lol... That boy does NOT like new things AT ALL!

As you can see from the pic (although you can't see Matthew too good)... Matthew had a super excited, "OH MY GOODNESS" wide eye'd, kinda nervous face as we went over the edge... I had a closed eye, "I hate this, but I'll do it for my boys and I'm squeezin this kid tight" face... Joe had a open mouthed, screaming, "I'M TRYING TO LIKE THIS" kinda face and Aaron... he looks pretty happy to be on the ride with his boys, even though he was not happy about all the water! lol

All in all... amazing experience with the help of the kindness of Patrick! If we had to wait those 70 minutes, it would have dwindled the enjoyment for these two parents! =)

It was a great time enjoying our family and some fun new rides... but, my secret hope is, they don't want to do that one again! LOL

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Our Walk To School... A STINKY Surprise!

The boys both LEAPED out of the stroller when they saw the garbage truck coming. We're walking Joe to school and we got a Stinky Surprise! =) They ran on the sidewalk from house to house watching him pick up the trash. I was glad we had left early enough that we could take the time, and that he was going in our direction (it kept the boys heading towards school!).
Side Note: If I'm ever going to skip a day walking, it'll be trash day... all the cans infront of every house we walk by is kinda stinky! LOL

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

First Day on 2 Wheel bikes.

(Although, Joe calls them 4 wheel bikes because of the training wheels!)

I have to apologize to Joe for what I'm about to write... Bud, if you ever read this when you're older... I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you! lol

Ok... so Matthew, well he is kind of a natural biker. Even though he had training wheels, he actually stayed off of them for big chunks of time right from the start. Now, Joe on the other hand... Well Joe looks like he didn't have his V8 today! lol He just lets the bike rest on one of the training wheels and rides with a slight tilt in complete bliss!... Most of the time, he retires the "4 wheel bike" pretty quickly for the tricycle that he is MUCH more comfortable riding.

Joe, "My breathing bag."

Ok, so Joe went with us to the dealership where Aaron's truck was getting fixed. He went inside and was SO EXCITED to get a free bag of popcorn. =) As he was finishing up the last pieces, he said, "Mama, when I'm done, I can save this bag to breath in to when I am scared."

Sometimes I just have to have an internal explosion of laughter when he expresses his thoughts!

I said, "Sure bud." and smiled.

Matthew, "Mama, Can I Please????"

As I'm still groggy and waking up, the turtle costume was pushed next to my face in bed... I hear a little voice, "Mama, Can I Please???"

This is the outfit Matthew BEGGED to wear as we walked Joe to school this morning. =) I told him, "You'll be hot." He said, "I promise Mama, I wont be hot!"... So, I let him.
The boy is smart. He had every young girl and every mom "Awww'ing" at him and every boy was jealous that HE GOT TO WEAR his costume! (even his older brother, which made him EXTRA happy!)

For breakfast this morning, they had a smoothy made of frozen blueberries, banana, peanut butter and some milk. I wish I would have taken a second to get a picture of both of their purple lips before I cleaned them off.  One of my greatest joys, besides when their character is super sweet to others, or when they express their love to the Lord or us, is when I do something or make something for them and THEY LOVE IT! It made my heart smile to watch them enjoy their smoothy and then look up at me with a purple smile.

It's already a "good day" and it's only 8:20am!... I love my Lord who blessed me with these little loves!

Monday, August 16, 2010

I should have thought of that!

One of those "i should have thought of that" moments.
A shopping cart with a tv in it!!!

"Up Slow"

I was just doing "Give me five... Up high... Down Low, Too Slow" with Matthew.... He just put his hand up high and said, "Up Slow." So cute! =)

Matthew's Switch from "Flat Hair" to "Huge Spike please Mama."

Matthew has always wanted "flat hair"...never allowing me to spike it. last night he decided he wanted a HUGE spike. after his shower, he wanted me to comb it real tall, and he slept real still. THIS is what it looked like when he woke up. :) He walked into my room with a BEAMING smile, after going into the bathroom to check on his Spike!

Joe "I knew there was a breathe tube"...

It's only 8am and I already find reason to type out something that happened with my boys this morning.

The morning started out, well, just WRONG! Joe woke up a complete grouch because he has not been going to sleep when we put him in bed. Last night, I put him back in bed AGAIN at 10... the first time he got in bed was 7:45!

ANYWAY... We had a tough morning, but we made it to the school parking lot. Just before I was about to open the doors of the car to go into the school, he was complaining about something. *sigh* Before he got out, we held hands and said a little prayer together. He wanted to restart his day.

I thanked God that Joe was given such a smart brain and that he'd get to use it to learn at school... I thanked God that He made Joe my boy and that I knew he was going to do such a great job at school today... As we ended the prayer and Joe was getting out of the car, he said, "It's good that God gave me a smart brain because I knew that there is a breathe tube that goes from our mouth to our insides." HA HA HA HA... Just matter of fact, not being funny... he was thankful his brain knew about breathing! lol

BUT... then, he gets out of the car and we need to boogy to class. All of the sudden, Matthew comes to the edge of the car with a sad face. He said, "Mama, you didn't pray with ME." =) I promised him a special prayer after we got Joe in his class.... which reminds me, I need to go do that!

... Off to the next adventure...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Our Drive Talk...

My current Facebook Status:
So, tonight I had my boys in the car and said, "I just want to check on something...What happens if Mama dies first?"... Matthew said, "You go to Heaven and wait for us!" My 3yr old!!! I LOVE IT! I continued, "And what do YOU do?"... Joe said, "Tell people Jesus Loves them, until God thinks I'm done." I LOVE IT! =)

In Addition to it:  I have always had to fight off this unrelenting fear that I would die while my boys are young. I feared that my husband would be too busy with work to spend the little times that bring Jesus deep to their core. Maybe that they'd be too overwhelmed to give God the time in my little family's life with out me around to cultivate that. I was afraid they wouldnt' remember my love or what I've taught them this far.

At that moment tonight, in that car, when my 3 and 5 year old boys told me that I'd go to Heaven and wait for them... and they'd tell people Jesus loves them until God decided they were done... I found a peace. Sure, they are 3 and 5 and we JUST talked about all that... so, it helps them to remember... But, atleast from this morning when we talked about it until tonight when I asked again... They remembered. Now, whatever more time God allows me on this earth with them... I'll tell them over and over, "I'll wait for you" and "We will share GOd's love!"...

Wow... I'm actually sitting here with watery eyes again... I find, writing these things out and taking these moments to reflect on them, allows my emotions to have a minute to catch up to the story. During my every day life, the stories go flying by and my emotions stay tucked away as the next moment has to take place. I'm sure that will make PERFECT sense to all the moms out there!

I'm truly blessed... and if nobody ever reads what I say... I feel good seeing it written down and knowing I am God to them and they are truly God to me and we're growing with each day.

My Update from God =)

Ok, this one is just about me (I know, boring, right?) lol...

The other day, I was cleaning my house and talking to God... I said, "Lord, it sure would be nice to see your face and to hear your voice give me an update on how you think I'm doing RIGHT NOW in my life." I smiled and thought, "Yeah, I know, it's in the Bible... you laid it out pretty plain." But... I continued to talk to him about how I'd love to see Him and hear Him and know how He truly feels about how I'm doing right now.  I'd just love an "Atta girl" or "Get it together." lol

While I was cleaning, I got a picture in my mind. A huge rock... I'm talking a slab that was what I have enjoyed calling a "Vast expanse of ROCK!"... Pretty much like dropping someone off in the center of the desert and it turning to rock (is that a good visual for you?)... There I was, standing on this rock, looking around.

I didn't hear an audible voice or anything, but along with the picture in my mind came a thought, "Upon the Solid Rock you stand." ... I kind of took it as an update from God. He sees me, and I'm standing on Him. I smiled. I enjoyed the picture in my head and even put it on my facebook page.

THEN... I get to church this morning and Pastor Chuck talked about standing on the SOLID ROCK! LOL... Seriously!

I just had to share. Although I'd still like some crazy flat screen tv to pop outa the sky and God to be on it face to face with me sharing with me his thoughts on... well, ME! (ok, so I'm feeling kinda self centered after writing that)... But anyway, even though I'd just like to have that one on one with his face and his voice... I'm thankful that He does share with us...

I am happy to be standing on the vast expanse of SOLID ROCK that will never shake, will never move, will never crack... I can stand firm and my feet can always be planted. Though my earthly knees may shake or buckle... though my tongue might fail me... though my heart might give out...though my imperfections annoy the snot out of me...

UPON THE SOLID ROCK I STAND... and I'm so thankful!

When Donny Died...Joe's heart.

My Cousin Donny... I have to put in writing the connection my son felt to him and his responses when Donny went to be with the Lord.
So, for those of you who do not know... My cousin Donny passed away in March of this year. He had fought a really long and tough battle with cancer and other complications that followed cancer.
While he was sick, we prayed for him as a part of our nightly prayers with Joe. If ever we forgot, Joe reminded us... each and every night. We would be out and about town, Joe would see something and say, "I wonder if Donny would like that?" He felt so incredibly connected and passionate towards Donny. I saw a burden on my 4yr old that amazed me.
He asked me, "Mama, can I just pray that Donny will be healed?"... Of course, I said, "YES!"
 My boy wanted to pray and IT TO BE DONE.
 I find myself with watery eyes as I even type that.
We prayed, Joe prayed that Donny would "Just be healed."

After that, Joe wanted to GO SEE Donny.
He wanted to see him healed.

Well, We went to visit. Donny was in a bed in the livingroom at this point and Joe was UPSET! He saw a stash of candy next to the bed. He told me, "Mama, the prayers for Donny to get better can't work if all he eats is CANDY!" ha ha ha I explained to Joe that Donny had a hard time eating and those were things he really enjoyed to help him feel better. I made up a story that Donny's teeth wouldn't decay because he had special protection toothpaste! LOL (Joe was extremely concerned about Decay at the time!)
We left there and Joe was a bit upset. Donny had not been healed... So, our prayers continued. We explained to Joe that God has his own timing and His own way and we're blessed to know we can trust Him in all things.

That day in March came. I remember my husband handing me the phone while I stood in the kitchen. I remember hearing my mom's voice and knowing this was not good. I remember my heart breaking and my eyes instantly dripping... Then it hit me, "We have to tell Joe." I was broken and strong all at the same time.

We all sat at the table together as a family... I said, "Hey Joe, you know how we've been praying for cousin Donny to get better?"... He said, "Mama, did he die?" (*excuse me while I get a tissue*)...I said, "Yes Buddy, he went to be in Heaven with God." 
Joe said, (and this was what I was afraid of...) "Mama, why didn't my prayer work?"

Broken...but Strong... I answered.

"Buddy, sometimes here on this earth, our bodies just can't handle the pains and sicknesses that come. When we prayed for Donny to be healed, God heard us and He agreed that it was time for Donny to be COMPLETELY HEALED... So, he took him away from this earth where our bodies are weak, and he brought him to Heaven where he could give him a COMPLETELY HEALED STRONG NEW BODY."

Joe Smiled.

It was almost visible. The weight that my little guy, who had just turned 5 had carried on those tiny little shoulders... the burden for prayer. It was lifted. Joe Smiled... he got it. He knew what I was saying and he was happy for Donny.

In that moment, I wished I could have a childlike heart to let go of my burden and just smile that Donny had received that new strong body. It was hard not to cry in that moment, but I wanted to show Joe that his feelings were right in letting go and smiling, so I smiled with him.

A few minutes later he said, "OH MAN!"... I was like, "Great, what now?" LOL... He said, "Donny gets to know all the answers first!"... ha ha ha, you see, Joe (as most kids) asks a TON of questions and I always tell him to write it on the list in his brain to ask God when he gets to heaven. =) He was jealous of Donny.

Then Joe said, "Mama, if Heaven is such a great place, why don't we all go there now?"... So, I had to explain "our job" while we're here on earth... and how we'll all get our turn to go to Heaven eventually as long as we always love the Lord and keep Him first in our hearts.

Then, a bit later, Joe said, "Mama, can we pray for something new?"... I said, "Sure bud, what do you want to pray for?"... He said, "Can we please pray that God would save the mansion next to Donny's for me?"... I smiled, from deep in my heart at my little boy and told him I'd love to pray that with him! We talk about how the Lord is building a mansion for us in Heaven and Joe is facinated by guessing what his will have in it. =)

I sit with a wet face now... Thankful I've taken the opportunity to write all of this down... I don't ever want to forget.  I should also say... Joe told me later, when he found me crying, "Mama, I'm not sad, Donny is in Heaven and that is where he belongs."

Your right my sweet boy... and I'm so blessed.

Matthew: "Who Loves You?"...

In trying to open up talk and get something funny from Matthew, I said, "Matthew, who loves you?"... I was surprised by his quick first response, "God Does." (My heart smiled)... I said, "Who Else loves you?"... He listed me, Dada, Joe and other family. I said, "Who loves you MOST?"... He said, "Mama"... he paused... then said, "Wait, God does...Mama next." =)

Joe asks, "Should I Kill Myself?"

So, we're on our way to church today and Joe sits in thought. Eventually, he says, "Mama, if you die first, do you want me to kill myself so you wont have to wait for me in Heaven?"

WOW... gulp, he we go...

Now, Joe is a special 5yr old who wants the guts of the story. He wants THE TRUTH and he really wants to understand. As his mom, it's hard for me to decide sometimes "how far to go" with the truth and him.

I told him, "No buddy, I wouldn't want you to kill yourself.  That is against the rules that the Bible sets up for our lives.  Jesus gives us the Bible to help us understand what is ok and what is not, and that is one of those things we just don't do.... Only God can decide when we get to go to Heaven and how."  He said, "Well, I mean, I could just get a gun and shoot myself so I could be with you."  BIGGER GULP. SHEESH kid!

I reiterated... NO! lol I told him, "If God chooses to bring me to Heaven, that means that my job on earth is done. But, if He chooses for you to stay here on earth, then your job isn't done yet." I went on to tell him, "While we live on this earth, we need to tell people that Jesus loves them and He died on the cross to save them from their sins.  Mama will be happy in Heaven knowing you are sharing Jesus' love!" 

He said, "ok." =) That's it... He got it, he liked it, he was done.

It was kind of disturbing to me that he brought up getting a gun and shooting himself. He doesn't play fighting video games and he's never even seen his Dad's gun... not sure where that came from.

So... Heaven, Suicide, Sadness... yeah, he's 5. LOL... I'm thankful the Lord tends to jump in and give me grace to approach Joe the right way for these types of moments! =)

The Journey of Blogging Begins...

My First Blog...

I've joined the adventure of blogging because my little loves have some great little lessons
and I think they are worth sharing!

I hope I take the time to type out my thoughts and their thoughts and you will find blessings in our adventures!

Thank you for being our friends, and our support in love!