The faces behind the stories!

The faces behind the stories!
My little Loves.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Cardiologists, Treadmills & Ultrasound...Update.

There are so many people who have been praying with me for all of the tests and Cardiology appointments I've been doing. I thought the blog would be a great way to "update" everyone, beyond what the Facebook Status updates would let me do!

Yesterday was a day that I had been looking forward to since my time in the ER. I had a treadmill stress test done, the type where they hook up an EKG machine and make me look like a person who is getting transformed into a super hero while I climb the incline and the treadmill gets faster and faster! lol I looked forward to this test because I wanted to be able to work out hard and NOT have an episode. I wanted to be told I could push my body with out fear of an episode. Well, I did the test, I didn't turn into a super hero...but I also didn't have an episode! The Dr. told me that the test went perfectly...which is what I had prayed for, before going in.

Then, I moved on to a heart ultrasound. I laid on my side in a dim room with a fan noise in the background and just about fell asleep as she studied my heart. I watched for a few minutes, but I really didn't understand what I was seeing or what she was studying. I was told I would get a call from the Dr in a week to give me the results.

I went home, believing for great things and a comfort in my heart that I can exercise with out fear.

Today, I got the call. The Dr. She started out great, "Your treadmill stress test went very well, and your ultrasound all looks normal." Then, the conversation took a turn for the annoying and discouraging. I had brought a form with me to clear me for physical activity. My health coach asked that it be signed, so he could know what he can ask me to do physically. She said, "Nicole, I can't sign that form you gave me." She went on to explain that just because I didn't have an episode on the treadmill, it does not mean that I wouldn't have one the next time, and that it is just a matter of time before another episode occurs. She is urging me to go to an Electrophysiology Cardiologist... aka: Electrical system of the heart specialist. 


She told me she does not want me to do more than walking with my kids and playing with my kids... No regimented exercise routine, etc. ***WHAT???*** That is exactly the opposite of what I wanted to hear and feel confidence in when I left that appointment. Now, our bills have gotten to about $3500 between the ER and the Cardiologist with her tests... and she wants me to go to a specialist. (I had JUST changed our insurance to a high deductible because we were never in the Dr! Of Course!)

I'm stuck in a tough spot. I was prayed for and have been believing for my healing on my heart. The tests all came back normal, but the cardiologist thinks, "It's a matter of time before you have another episode."  So, the struggle in my heart (no pun intended) is that I want to just LIVE my life normally and know that my God has His hand on my heart and I am fine.... But, then the voice of the cardiologist, "Nothing beyond walking and playing with your kids, and be ready because they can happen any time." She said she didn't want to cause me undo fear, but she felt she owed it to me to urge me to go to the specialist because you just never know where you will be when the next episode happens (didn't want to cause me undo fear??? lol... BUT, on a side note...even if I were driving in Timbuktu and it happened, I can pull the car over and call 911 from just about anywhere... AND, I was still able to walk, talk, think while my heart was going was just uncomfortable!)

*sigh again*

I'm going to end this now... but, I just know there are so many people who have wanted an update. Thank you for praying for "PERFECT" results with me... we got what we prayed for, all the results were fine... Now, I just have to believe that it is NOT a coincidence as the Cardiologist seems to think, but a touch from God and all will be well.  I will live my life as normal, and I'll believe for no more episodes, and if things doing go that way... God will still be with me there too. :) That's where I have to find my peace. Whether I'm healed or not, He's still God and He'll still be with me (and our bank account) no matter what happens! He's good... and I'm good with that. :)

Memories of a tiny guy.

When I woke him the other morning, I had fun seeing him stretch just like he used to when he was a newborn. :)

Puttum UP!!

Meet the nameless cowboy. I asked him his name, but he hadn't decided on one yet. :) We were going out to dinner with some friends, and this is the outfit he chose. I was excited to let him wear it, until he walked in the other room and his hit brother with the gun! (Oh Boys!) So, the outfit didn't make it to dinner, but he made it in my heart. :)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Saturday, July 23, 2011


Joe walked in, and said, "Here is Matthew's Olay, Mama." HA HA HA HA... "Olay" (Should be Lei)... He cracks me up! I LOVE IT when he says things "wrong" now because it's so few and far between!!... Love you buddy!

"We are making soup!"

They got to pick this watermelon at the Tanaka Farms in Irvine. I cut it in half, thinking they'd like to eat it "like a bowl." Well, they quickly turned to "making soup." Now, we are making a smoothie with it, but I wanted to come make note of Joe's comment: "Mama, I want to hurry up and drink my smoothie because I think God would like it, so it needs to get inside of me with Him." .... Awwww. :)

The joys of raising boys...

Matthew, dressed in his "Dada Shirt," is such a boy. So sweetly such a little boy still, but... SUCH a boy. I say that in preface of sharing some boy moments I just had with him!

He was sitting in the playroom relaxing, and felt the need to notify me that he had tooted. (Boy move #1). Then, he felt the need to let me know, "Actually Mama, my tooter smells like the swimming lesson's water." (Boy move #2)  THEN, he found himself in the potty and needed me to wipe him. When I walked in, he puts his face between his knees (while sitting on the toilet) and says, "Smell right here!" LOL... I said, "No thanks, sicko!" (Boy move #3!)

Life would be pretty boring around here with out the joys of raising boys!

I'm not even kidding...

Imagine my embarrassed grin as we walk into a barn full of "Ag People" and cows to hear my son say, "Awww, Look at the pigs!"... We need to take a few more trips to a few more farms! Ha ha ha!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

My Purple People Eater...

There was silence in this house this morning, until I heard a scream... I opened my eyes to see:
The PURPLE PEOPLE EATER was coming close to me... I was scared until I heard him say, "It's OK Mama, it's just me, Maffew."
Beware of the Purple People Eater, he loves to rub cheeks, do butterfly kisses, and snuggle up as long as you'll hold him. :)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

"Do I look like a Caveman?"

Joe came into the office with his "Dada shirt" like this. He said, "Hey Mama, do I look like a Caveman?" I laughed and said yes...and told him he must stand there while I get my camera (which feels like a victory to him because he knows I think it's a memorable moment! lol). He said, "They'd have a scary face like this." Then he said, "OH WAIT, where's the bat?"
He was SO excited to look like an authentic Caveman... but then, "Oh wait, this isn't what their face would look like."
"Ok, THIS is IT.... Now, I am JUST like a Caveman!"

Gumballs & Dreams...

Kids are SO programmable. About 2 weeks ago, Matthew asked for a gumball. I said no. He said, "But I had a dream about it." I said, "Oh, well, since you had a dream about it, then you must have one." I really did let him have one, and it was fun to see his face light up in surprise. Right now, he just walked up and said, "Mama, can I have a gumball because I dreamed about it?"... I said no. Ha ha ha. I loved that he remembered though.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

My boys' new friends... to my dismay.

Can you see it? It's black, and you'd think it would be rather harmless... but when I hear Joe say, "Look at my new friend Mama... Come see, there are more than 4, more than 10, even more than 100!" Then I hear Matthew giggle and say, "Ha ha, I got another one with my ball!" But, when I came into the room, he had one between his hands, "Trapped, because he's my favorite." (Future girlfriends beware! LOL) They have now picked out two favorite ants and I told them, "Enjoy them because I'm on my way to call Jim the ant killer and they wont last long." Joe GASPED. I laughed and evil, and very on purpose, laugh and continued towards the phone! Goodbye "Friends"! muah ha ha

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Teaching Joe to draw a fish. :)

The red one is mine...
The blue one is Joe's!
SOOO Cute!

Matthew drew a butterfly all on his own!

I was so impressed! We went to Macaroni Grill for "Gentlemen Training" after church. They open the doors, they do the ordering, and we make sure manners are happening and kindness is expressed to the Waiter. Joe ALWAYS starts right in to drawing... I hadn't noticed that Matthew joined in until he handed me back the purple crayon and said, "Look, my Butterfly!" I think it's pretty neat, for a 4 year old! My cute boy. I should have torn the "table clothe" to bring it home, darn it!


I just heard Joe say, "That wasp opened it's mouth and chased me." lol Then I heard Matthew say, "Did that crack you up?" Joe responded, "No." Matthew said, "Well, it cracked ME up!" ha ha ha Love these goofballs!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Joe makes me LAUGH!

"I wish I were older so I could buy these and squirt whipped cream in my mouth!"...Joe

(he saw someone in a movie take put a can of whipped cream and spray it in their mouth. I agreed he can choose to do that when he is older.) :)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Some Thoughts From My Heart...

I am such a blessed woman.  When I was young, all I ever wanted, was to be a wife and mom someday.  Now, I didn't exactly know what that TRULY meant at the time... but now that I do know, I'd still say the same thing.  I'm very thought provoked lately.  My family and I will be making a big move in a short amount of time. Southern CA once scared me half to death, and now I'm actually amazed at how much it is hurting to leave.
Joe said, "That's a pretty picture Mama."
The place isn't what hurts so much, but the people. I've been blessed with so many people expressing their love for me and for my family.  I've already started the "last visits" with people because there are so many to see and so much to do before August 15th, when we go. Each time I give hugs, I either cry or hold back tears. *sigh* (let me get a tissue so I can actually see the computer right now).

Today, as I sat at Crossroads, the Lord really touched my heart. I had been praying that He would comfort me as these waves of emotions seem to roll over me and captivate my mind. I have been struggling to eat healthy and to even think healthy because I feel so pulled by deep emotion.

As I prayed for Him to comfort me, I was reminded... He goes before me.  I would have to admit that I've had to fight some fears that we will struggle to find "home" in another church, or if I'll make more friends to have adventures with up there. I've struggled with seeing my boys hug their little buddies, and just prayed that God would provide them with "fast friends" up there too.

"I go before you." My heart felt again. He knows what's next. He's already preparing hearts to collide with mine and there are experiences that I've had that will impact people where we are going. I will be used, I couldn't handle not feeling like an impact on lives.

As our church service started, the guest speaker talked about how God had used his life before knowing the Lord as a preparation for what was to come... He spoke about how the Lord had set things in motion in his wife's life so that she'd be the right fit for him, when he came along. A lot of their time spent sharing with my church was about how God prepares us for the call He has on our lives.

So, my God... I just have to say that, no matter how the emotional waves come, I give you me. I trust that you know where we're going. I give you the hearts of my little boys, the ones that I hate to see hurt and I trust you for their friends, for their influences and for their hearts to grow in You.  I give you my husband and our relationship and trust that as we seek You first, you'll continue to bless us with the peace that I treasure in our relationship and the deep love that I feel for him. I give you me and I just pray that you show me Your way and give me the courage to jump when you say jump, to hug when you show me hurt, and to give what is already yours when you ask me to give.

This next month and a half is going to be a journey, but I wouldn't want it with anyone else but Aaron and I'd miss most of the excitement if we didn't have Joe and Matthew to entertain us along the way. God built this family and He's always guided and protected us, and I look forward to looking back in 6 months at these feelings, remembering this struggle and seeing how He pulls me through.

THANK YOU to all of you who are loving me and encouraging me and being the hands of Jesus giving me a hug when these eyes have started to water! I love all the blessings He's placed in my life through you!... God Bless You!

Indoor S'mores

We had a great time visiting with Nana, Papa and Aunt Sherry! We had a BBQ and just spent some family time. The boys busted out the Slip n Slide (where, unfortunately, Matthew got stung by a bee...stepped on it)... After all the yummy "linner" was consumed, Nana busted out some awesome dessert... S'Mores!! I had never roasted marshmallows over a stove-top before, it was a fun new adventure for the boys and I!

I am debating on going back to the store RIGHT NOW to buy more ingredients because I keep thinking about how good it was! :)

Friday, July 1, 2011

I love you Son.

I just loved this picture. My sweet boy is getting so big and I just love catching tender moments on his face.  Joe Jackson, your mom is so happy to be your mom... and I love you with my whole heart!

Hats Required & Sleep Over Fun!

Joe's buddy, who he's known since he was born, came over tonight. Jackson is a friend Joe has never known life with out, and it's difficult for me to think about moving 8 hours away and bringing them apart. Tonight, Chris and Jackson stopped by to drop something off and the boys just started to play. Chris and I talked about how packing is going and all that good moving stuff. We realized it was 7 and neither of our families had eaten dinner... So, IHOP came to mind! Chris called Tammy and asked her to bring Anderson over, and we all met at IHOP. Before we left, I asked each of the boys to pick a hat out of the toy box. My boys didn't even question me, they just grabbed their hats and put them on. Jackson said, "Why do we need hats?" I answered him, "Because you're my dinner dates tonight and I want dates with hats!" He smiled and said ok. I love how their little minds want to know, but they don't know enough to be "too cool" for the hats yet.  After dinner, Joe and Matthew went home with the Duncans for the very first sleep over with all 4 boys! We've had Jackson over to our house once, and he and Joe talked until MIDNIGHT before they finally fell asleep! :) I say, "Good luck Chris and Tammy!"