Something I Wrote...

I was just doing some "cleaning out" on my laptop and came across some things I wrote. This one that I'm going to share, brought me to tears in re-reading it and feeling the emotions I felt when I wrote it... I always struggle with self condemnation and not feeling good enough or beating myself up for my weaknesses (which tend to just make me fall more into my weaknesses)... Anyway, I thought I would share:

Nicole 4/23/10

Thoughts

If I never felt like a failure, could I ever truly be a success?

If I never felt disappointment, could I understand victory?

Why, though, is it the thing I want the greatest success in; I feel like the greatest failure?

How do I learn to push aside myself to be able to grasp victory?

Will I ever learn?

How can I be expected to teach that which I have not accomplished?

Is there ALWAYS grace?...?

Can I feel defeated every day and continue to try?

Can I have success even though I feel like a failure?

Does trying and failing give me points towards the goal?

If I fail in the same way every day, does that make me a failure?

Can I remember today that I’m human?

What does a “sound mind” really look like?

Are too many questions about failure a sign to me?

Overcomer… Passionate… Joyful… Strong, can those describe ME?

Have I passed the point of my human breaking point to jump into His arms?

Has He ever… I mean EVER let me down?... “selah”

What HAS washed away my sins?

What HAS made me whole within?

Can I truly come to Him with anything… everything?

Nothing scares Him?

Nothing makes Him want to run away from me?

Ever?

Knowing He knew I’d struggle, He knew I’d feel my pain of failure, He knew I could never truly accomplish the greatness I wish I could because I’m human and He loved me enough to create me and desire me… Can that be enough for me?

Yes.

Period.

The End.