Some Thoughts From My Heart...

I am such a blessed woman.  When I was young, all I ever wanted, was to be a wife and mom someday.  Now, I didn't exactly know what that TRULY meant at the time... but now that I do know, I'd still say the same thing.  I'm very thought provoked lately.  My family and I will be making a big move in a short amount of time. Southern CA once scared me half to death, and now I'm actually amazed at how much it is hurting to leave.

Joe said, "That's a pretty picture Mama."

The place isn't what hurts so much, but the people. I've been blessed with so many people expressing their love for me and for my family.  I've already started the "last visits" with people because there are so many to see and so much to do before August 15th, when we go. Each time I give hugs, I either cry or hold back tears. *sigh* (let me get a tissue so I can actually see the computer right now).

Today, as I sat at Crossroads, the Lord really touched my heart. I had been praying that He would comfort me as these waves of emotions seem to roll over me and captivate my mind. I have been struggling to eat healthy and to even think healthy because I feel so pulled by deep emotion.

As I prayed for Him to comfort me, I was reminded... He goes before me.  I would have to admit that I've had to fight some fears that we will struggle to find "home" in another church, or if I'll make more friends to have adventures with up there. I've struggled with seeing my boys hug their little buddies, and just prayed that God would provide them with "fast friends" up there too.

"I go before you." My heart felt again. He knows what's next. He's already preparing hearts to collide with mine and there are experiences that I've had that will impact people where we are going. I will be used, I couldn't handle not feeling like an impact on lives.

As our church service started, the guest speaker talked about how God had used his life before knowing the Lord as a preparation for what was to come... He spoke about how the Lord had set things in motion in his wife's life so that she'd be the right fit for him, when he came along. A lot of their time spent sharing with my church was about how God prepares us for the call He has on our lives.

So, my God... I just have to say that, no matter how the emotional waves come, I give you me. I trust that you know where we're going. I give you the hearts of my little boys, the ones that I hate to see hurt and I trust you for their friends, for their influences and for their hearts to grow in You.  I give you my husband and our relationship and trust that as we seek You first, you'll continue to bless us with the peace that I treasure in our relationship and the deep love that I feel for him. I give you me and I just pray that you show me Your way and give me the courage to jump when you say jump, to hug when you show me hurt, and to give what is already yours when you ask me to give.

This next month and a half is going to be a journey, but I wouldn't want it with anyone else but Aaron and I'd miss most of the excitement if we didn't have Joe and Matthew to entertain us along the way. God built this family and He's always guided and protected us, and I look forward to looking back in 6 months at these feelings, remembering this struggle and seeing how He pulls me through.

THANK YOU to all of you who are loving me and encouraging me and being the hands of Jesus giving me a hug when these eyes have started to water! I love all the blessings He's placed in my life through you!... God Bless You!